Posted by: Kiran Vaidya | March 19, 2007

Fictitious Reality

I started writing a blog for my Company’s Intranet Blog on my experience in my organization after my allocation on the project. However by the time I finished it there was not even a fraction of probability that I will post it my company’s blog. This is my first attempt on a short story. It has 2 very similar stories running in parallel to each other. Every alternate paragraph in the short story tells one story. Rather the 2nd story(in the even paras) is analogous to the 1st story (obviously in the odd paras). However both the stories I have written in first person singular tense since I couldn’t think of imaginary names for the protagonists of my story. The main difference in the 2 stories is that the former is almost 100% true to my life whereas the latter is 100% untrue to my life..well almost. So do read this short story titled Fictitious Reality.

I am just another rat in this IT industry. Being a clever but just an above average student meant my first job will be in a company which recruits in hundreds every annum. Academically I was excellent but not smart enough to crack the test and interview of a product-based intellectual company. Eventually I got selected in an Indian MNC. I was allocated on a very large scale project. It had 65 freshers and total project strength was around 100. It meant the next 2 years I was bound to live in my hometown. A sense of security gripped me. But everything comes for a price. It had its own cons. Something was missing. I was searching for the unknown. It was my own identity. Where was it? How will I prove myself in a team of 100? Suddenly I felt a bit unsafe, a bit insecure and my confidence level slid on the downward curve.

I always knew I was a decent chap but somehow was never confident to win over the heart of my love. Eventually I crossed the thin red line of 27 years and 1 week before I celebrated my 28th Birthday. Raised eyebrows from so-called closed relatives and status of “Single” on my Orkut profile meant arranged marriage was my Final Destiny. Arranged marriages are like a blind game in Teen Patti(a popular card game). If you are lucky then you hit the jackpot else you become emotionally bankrupt. I was very insecure whether my choice turns out to be the right choice.

My project was in the newest location of our company on a plush floor with more than 200 workstations. It was going to be my home for the immediate years to come. My project manager allocated me a brand new workstation with a flat-screen monitor in one corner. I was never given a choice. The jet black workstation was classy. It also had 3 drawers with a personal key for added safety. The entire workstation was my private restricted area. It was my first taste of the competitive corporate world. I was thankful for my company as they had given me the first break of my career.

I married the girl whom I thought was the most compatible, uncompromised choice. My inner feeling said “She is the one” the moment I saw her and the more I interacted with her the more I realized she fit each and every of my parameters. However it was also my family’s choice. They were too keen on me marrying her as she was beautiful, intelligent and from our caste. I will never understand whether I made the choice or the choice made me. Soon we got married. I was happy and content that I got to marry a virgin. We guys enjoy this sense of egoistic pleasure. Arranged marriages also have their own advantages. I never had an official girl friend so true love from the girl whom I also love was an altogether first time experience. I valued it the most.

However I soon realized that all that glitters is not gold. 2 weeks in complete isolation and then gradually the entire team was formed. Slowly the vacant floor was occupied by IT professionals. I was having a tough time in getting acquainted with so many new faces. Worst no one was a Maharashtrian. I could feel the selfish side of most of my colleagues. My Project Manager went to another location and no one was to guide me. I had no work. I experienced moments of extreme frustration and despair. Sometimes I felt very lonely and left out. It was now almost 1 month of doing nothing. I suddenly realized that opting for a project in my hometown was my choice. I was to be blamed for it but I blamed God.

3 days to my marriage and we had a heated argument. Just a day back I had thought that marital life is going to be the best phase of my life with no worries, no tensions. It was not to be. A tear dropped from her red cheeks. Deep inside I knew it was my fault but my male ego couldn’t say a genuine “Sorry”. Finally I admitted my mistake. A smile on her face brought my life back. I think even her female ego wanted to see me on my knees. Victory was hers. Slowly I started experiencing moments of frustration. It was now more than 1 week to our wedding and still we didn’t have sex even once. Every time she gave some reason and avoided. Even I didn’t want to force it on her. I had no clue on what the problem was. I blamed her orthodox typical upbringing. For the first time in my life I didn’t ask my closest buddy of 20 years for advice. He was my best friend, philosopher and guide. Not any more.

I realized that although it’s true that one feels most warm in the blanket of financial security still there is one more dimension to happiness at work and that is job satisfaction. An inferiority complex started developing inside me. I started thinking that perhaps I am lacking in something. I used to envy smiling faces at work place. I hated everything and this started affecting my personal life. I was turning out to be an angry, short-tempered guy. I had to discuss this with the seniors in my organization but was unsure on how to compose the thoughts of my mind which will sound both professional and convincing.

A complex feeling started developing within me. For the first time in my life I understood the real meaning of the word “jealousy”. I started being jealous even of the college going couples. I hated even the sight of all my friends with their soul mates enjoying their life. I thought I am deficient in some areas and probably that’s the reason behind her refusal. I even thought of taking advice from some qualified consultant on this matter. My personal life was being screwed which affected my professional life. I couldn’t concentrate on my work. I decided to discuss this matter with her.

I was still thinking of the words to express my feelings. I was also unsure on the medium of communication. Whether I should directly ask my seniors or should I just mail them. But then I decided to wait for some more time. I started going late to office and even started leaving the office very early. I didn’t care whether the seniors took notice of this. Rather I wanted some senior to ask me about this so that I can tell them the reason. Finally I got the project confirmation mail and I was assigned with my tasks in the project. I started working very sincerely and simply enjoyed my work although it was very stressful and required staying up late in the company. I understood what job satisfaction exactly mean. Now I don’t mind going to office early and returning home late.

I started returning late from work, sometimes spending time at my friend’s place or sometimes purposely waiting in the company as I feared that I might end up in an argument with her. Even after returning home I used to watch television till late in the night. That night I was resolute to discuss the issue with her. I was just roaming in the hall deeply thinking on how to start the subject. She came in the room. Even she understood everything without me saying a single word. She just hugged me. I cried in her laps and in a weeping tone asked her: “What is wrong with me..What is the prob…”. “Shhhh!!!. Don’t say a word”: She replied with her finger on my lips. “Just give me some more time”. True to her words 2 nights later we finally did it. It was an awesome feeling. The final picture in the jigsaw puzzle was now perfectly in its place. However the greatest feeling was when she said “It was really nice and I enjoyed it. Thanks for showing the understanding”. This assurance made me feel secure since I was still unsure as whether even she liked it just like I did. I no more envy other couples and now I am leading a complete satisfied and content life.

SHOCKED!! Hated it, Liked it. Whatever your reaction…just leave a comment or drop in a message and let me know how you found it and just for my sake read it once more. Actually I realized that being on a project with no work is like marriage without the real pleasure of sex and this was the inspiration for my short story. I just hope that my Dad doesn’t read it ;).

Advertisements

Responses

  1. hey..
    the blog seems to be ekdam dilse..although u r father wont mind nething from this blog… he has seen worse i am sure :))))

    n by the way one para in green is also in italic :)) cnt help it i am a tester :))))

    neways all in all a nice one really :)))))

  2. yup…dad has sure seen worse. rather I think he might just appreciate my blog 😉 .

  3. Gr8 stuff man!!
    but be known with the fact that excess of anything can ruin it all… 😉

  4. Hi Kiran…that’s a great post.

    I’ve begun to realise I enjoy your writing; its the honesty I think.
    Avadhut made you out to be sort of…shallow; you better make sure he regrets it.

    Anyway, be assured that I’m going to be a frequent visitor 🙂

  5. Correction: I said you were both–a good chap and a bloated pig. 🙂

  6. Thnx a lot Charlotte. Ur comment is a big motivation to write more. For Hal..he is actually just jealous of me. 😉

  7. Hal-> waiting for u r comment on Fictitious Reality

  8. Atta navin kahi tari liha ki saheb…….

  9. Hello

    Bye

  10. WHO IS THIS TEST?
    WHY THIS ANONYMITY??

  11. HAH Kiran who is test?????
    and its saying hello n bye :)))))))))

  12. nice fusion!

  13. Thnx Pink Imp!! BTW whats ur real name??

  14. hehehe! Steena, which eventually becomes Pink Imp. we know a common person–piggie. is he alive? he sporadically goes into some cave, the spelunker that he is!

  15. I think the caveman has gone into hibernation..

  16. he’s in standby mode, consuming resources (minimally, he will say) but idle nonetheless. pest!

  17. Great post dude……keep writing…direct dil se…!!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: